Learning, needing support, being a client (again) . . .

I handed in my letter from my therapist, stating that I had completed three sessions. This was one of the possible assignments for a course. I am always amazed at how much I learn from being to talk about my life and to be reflective.

After the first week of class, I questioned whether I belonged in this program. Then, I began to be more confident. I've had to work hard, as, I am sure, everyone else in the class has needed to do. Counseling has given me some support and reflection.

What amazes me most is that life goes on as we go to class, try to learn and continue to grow. During the past four weeks, I have spent days at the ADP Center, where many people have helped me. Thanks, Joe, and the others whose faces I know, but whose names I do not know. I will be back during the summer and hope to learn who you are! I got to know some of the HelpLab personnel. There is a wonderfully astute young man who will be a senior and who helped me over several days and even introduced me to his girlfriend. I am learning to research, but am impressed with how difficult it is to narrow a topic. I had lunch with my foster daughter for the first time in more than a year ( I do love you, Jamie). We had a large Haledon reunion at our home and realized that more than 20 years have passed and that many of those who helped us and who we love are in their seventies and eighties, which makes us, OLD, also! What a bizarre experience it is to age. My husband fell at work and has a concussion, which makes him foggy and a bit more difficult than usual. I took Quiz # 3 today while one of our dogs was barking and barking and barking - and my husband-with-a-concussion was trying to sleep and all I wanted to do was leave the timed quiz and quiet the dog. I learned that I don't do well with noise.

What I believe is that counseling and life are integrally intertwined. Learning more about myself is an important part of this process. I am so fortunate to be able to return to school. I related much of what I read to what I have experienced. Attachment disorder studies help me to understand our children and to know that NO children should be born drug-addicted, suffer abuse and struggle just to exist. I am gaining a perspective that I could not have when I was in the middle of trying to parent two children who had been so seriously hurt. I am saddened that their early experiences so negatively impacted our lives. I have a chance now to perhaps help them through my enhanced knowledge and understanding. I so hope our relationships can be more gentle than they had been because I now know more. I don't know what their futures hold and there certainly are issues related to responsibility and morality, but I am leaving some judgements behind.